hair carefully pulled back,save for a few playful strands,with the metal pins hidden from sight.a sprinkle of rosebuds, a dollop of dancing magic.poised perfection in mid-air,she twirls,swirls and whirls at the command of the music.a graceful arch, a breath-stopping arabesque, interwoven with ethereal beauty.
"What exactly is success? For me it is to be found not in applause, but in the satisfaction of feeling that one is realizing one's ideal. When, a small child rambling over there by the fir trees, I thought that success spelled happiness. I was wrong. Happiness is like a butterfly which appears and delights us for one brief moment, but soon flits away." -Anna Pavlova
many thanks to my bestie for that xmas gift :) ilu*
lost&found*
you don't have to explain so much to me, about what happened back to you back in upper sec, i knew it even before you said anything. perhaps i could have done more to show you how much i cared, but its really hard to reach out to a stubborn headstrong you. =) i remember thinking that im losing you, but somehow i wasnt fearful because i knw i will always hold on, right from the moment 6yrs ago when i asked "you have a ruler?" and you flashed a colgate-ad worthy smile at me. no matter how you hid in your shell and tried to run away, theres this assurance deep down that you will return to my side someday. in the midst of the busy times for the past few years, i still think of you from time to time and hope with all my heart that you're finding your way out. you needed your space to grow, to learn how to fall in love with yourself, and i had to let you go but anytime you need me, i'll always be here for you, as always. thats what friends are for. =)
when we were lil kids,all we really wanted was to grow up fast. for me, i remember wishing really hard that i would turn 12 in the blink of an eye, so that i could stay up late to watch midnight movies, eat instant noodles wif loads of MSG (had lots of hair, couldnt care less about them dropping out as threatened), wear high-heels legally, put mum's colourful stuff on my face, stay out for as long as i want to, cruise down the roads in my motorbike, buy mountains of chocolates and sweets, enter bars as seen in those TCS drama serials,basically just livin' life the way i want to, without my parents breathing down my neck.
now, im eighteen and i feel so old. sometimes i sit and wonder, think about the traces of my childhood and ponder where the remaining fragments went to. have you seen my childhood? my failure to remember vivid images of me as a lil' girl, cld it be due to my short-term memory or somethg that inevitably happens to all of us as we add another candle to the birthday cake every year? i was an extremely quiet kid, perhaps i said so little that i could barely remember anything about me.
these are the few memories i have of me as a kindergarten kid; chewing on the ribbons on my pink dress until my mum got so pissed off that she cut off the ribbons (hey! just realised that everybody else wore the blue sailormoon-look-likey uniform except for me!), biting my fingernails, eating my doughnuts at tea-time, watching people quietly,bursting into tears when i couldnt find my froggy glue (its very cute okay! i loved it to bits!) , thinking sooo hard about how to draw the perfect dress, rushing to school late because i took ages to finish my porridge (some things never change, and everybody who haf waited for me before will go aye! =D), staring back at anybody who smiled at me and not speaking a word to anybody, even the teachers who asked me endless questions. silence is golden, that was my philosophy and everybody thought that i was mute. the more persistent they were in trying to make me talk, the more determined i was to keep my lips sealed. it wasnt long before they gave up for they couldnt get a word out of me. =)
in primary school, i morphed into this naughty wildchild who skipped school, made playgrounds and rooftops of HDB blocks my second home, copied homework, harboured a secret fantasy to jump into the school pond and play with the fishes, had a talk with the vice-principal, thought jaywalking was as severe as murder most foul but still did it anyway, threw waterbombs at strangers, sneaked by the DM whenever i was late, cracked stupid jokes and came to school just to meet my friends and have fun.
so i look at the fountain at bugis, and the desire to splash about with the kids there burns in me. =)
snippets of the conversation between mama,my youngest 7-yr-old bro (benny) and me:
mama: "benny, watered the plants already?"
me: "yes, and he watered me also"
mama: "why did you spray water at your sister?"
bro: "i want to make rain"
ahh, the sweet innocence of childhood. nah,scratch that. mean innocence is a better choice, for i recall going through that lets-kill-all-ants phase,whereby my brothers and i murdered innocent ants with lots of scotch tape. sometimes i look at my lil bro, and i want to squeeze his cheeks with all the love in my heart. sometimes he makes me so angry i want to smack his buttcheeks and slap his facecheeks. theres only a fine line between hate and love.
no matter where we go or what we grow into, i realised that one can never break free from family ties. at the end of the day, we go back home only to face our family. its because they've always been there thats why i take them for granted,at times treating them as my dumping ground. all the hurt inflicted, happy times together, its all part of you, grown with you and stuck on you. now my bro is growing green bean plants (each and every kid must do so before he is considered a real kid), and as i watch the plants sprout leaves, i actually see my bro growing too. im thankful for his existence because he kinda changed my perspective towards my family. im hoping that he'll make the best out of his childhood before the growing up pains hit hard.
No comments:
Post a Comment