in my life there are only a handful of people who can break me. its not so much about how important they are to me, or how much i love them, but more of how they wormed their way into the deepest vulnerabilities of my soul, twisted it around and hit it hard. my parents. and ________, who has actually been pleasing me recently, but i guess its me who still cannot bring myself to say a real good goodbye to ________.

sometimes they say love is more than an emotion, its a state of mind. perhaps im thinking too hard, too deep and being too stubborn in the wrong places. but i know i have to stay true to myself and my idealistic love-the best that it can be & lasting for a lifetime. therefore i cannot force myself to accept anybody who shows interest and is labelled a good catch, and try to fall in like with him next. unreal. peach blossoms throwing themselves at my doorsteps, pressing the doorbell madly. their tries to drag me into their games of love causes ants to crawl up my spine. (when the right one comes along he'd better knock) they tell me things that im not super interested in but i find myself staying nice to them, its like somebody taking over me, and i cant see myself anymore.

so i think love is a sick joke, and the combination of things that happened and failed to happen leaves me more cynical than before. call me selfish, but i dont really want to add a lost love to the handful of people who can break me. maybe its my way of protecting myself because there is only so much company others can offer and ultimately, one has to walk alone in this journey called life.

"in weakness we are made strong..."

im neither a the-glass-is-half-empty person, nor a the-glass-is half-full person, in case you are thinking how pessimistic i can get. im more of is-this-a-trick-question or can-i-drink-the-water person :) wouldnt call myself a pessimist or a optimist. im more of a person trying to draw the middle line between realism and fantasies, only to realise that there isnt really a clear divider in the first place.